CRUISE CRITIC REVIEW
BY: Ernest H. Williams, Jr.
QUALIFICATIONS: Hundreds of restaurant and hotel reviews and 85 previous cruises.
CRUISE SHIP: Jewel of the Seas
CRUISE LINE: Royal Caribbean
DATES OF CRUISE: 23 April to 6 ...
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CRUISE CRITIC REVIEW
BY: Ernest H. Williams, Jr.
QUALIFICATIONS: Hundreds of restaurant and hotel reviews and 85 previous cruises.
CRUISE SHIP: Jewel of the Seas
CRUISE LINE: Royal Caribbean
DATES OF CRUISE: 23 April to 6 May 2017
ITENARY: San Juan, Puerto Rico; La Palma, Tenerife, Grand Cayman, Canary Islands; Gibraltar, Britain; Alicante, Spain; Rome, Italy.
RATINGS: 4/5, 80%, B
COMPARISONS: Not quite as good as Princess
IN GENERAL: A good and enjoyable cruise. Might offer fewer, better dishes instead of too many indifferent ones. Too few personnel for economy is an understandable ploy, albeit a balancing act. A simplification of the menu might also help there. Wine bar needs help. Chefs might be advised to taste their creations.1 Blanding down your general cuisine to promote your specialty restaurants comes with certain perils to your approval ratings. I hope my suggestions will be of use to both potential passengers and the cruise ship personnel.
ANNOUNCEMENTS: This is not male chauvinism, but the Captain’s voice could not be understood.
ARRIVAL TIMES: These should be as early as possible, the stay as long as possible, and the schedule should not be changed, if at all possible. This was not the case on this cruise. A broader schedule allows for better shore excursions. I had scheduled scuba dives on La Palma, but the ship’s schedule was changed and I had to cancel. Of 6 scheduled dives in the Canaries, I could only make 2.
BARTENDERS: Excellent
BILLARDS: Two gimballed pool tables were nice, but cue stick tips were worn out.
BREAKFAST: Most diverse I have seen on a cruise ship and good, but almost everything remained the same. Few innovations, which was good or bad?
BUFFET: Good food for lunch, very good for dinner. Too few tables that are always full. Always had a row of Indian foods (I had my fill in India and Sri Lanka); sporadic oriental; a few other cuisines. Always some fish, but seldom other sea foods. Eight fish species one night, which was wonderful. Always beef, pork, and chicken dishes, good salad bar, good cooked vegetables, good breads, good variety with daily changes, but few really exceptional dishes.
CABIN: small, okay storage, uncomfortable bed,2 good lighting, comfortable shower, adequate electrical plugs, good balcony, good mirrors.
CHECK-IN: Easier than most, but also fewer passengers than most.
DAILY INFORMATION (CRUISE COMPASS): Daily maximum temperatures were greatly underestimated every day. This made clothing planning difficult for tours.
COSTS: Very reasonable, particularly with specials.
DRINK CARD: Good deal, covered most drinks, but very few wines. Need more wines choices on the card.
DESSERTS: Usually, at least 1 good desert in dining room. A great variety of mediocre to bad deserts1 in the buffet and too much daily repetition. The few excellent ones run out too soon. Whenever you see a good one, take it immediately. Soft serve ice milk, 2 kinds of ice cream at dinner. Raised dark and white chocolate covered donuts were good, but too firm.1
DINNING RESERVATIONS: These were usually not necessary. Reservations put you at tables for 2, which are not private, but jammed into many other tables for 2. Apparently, those who ask for “private tables” are so snooty they did not even like themselves. Ask for a shared table. This is no more crowded and almost always more pleasant.
DINING ROOM: Adequate and interesting food for lunch, but strangely inadequate and less interesting food for dinner.1 Too crowded with tables too close together. Not enough service personnel made for very slow, and often inaccurate, service. Grab the waiter for a drink when seated. You may never see drink service. Near the end of the cruise, the waiters apologized for slow service. Not their fault. They were stretched too thin. Not open long enough for lunch.
DISEMBARKATIONS: Often permission to leave the ship had not been announced, while there were already hundreds of passengers on the dock. Also, brochures said the tours got passengers off the ship first; not.
ELEVATORS: Always full and often with a long wait in atrium. Better fore and aft.
FOODS, ODD: A lot of Radicchio was used, which is rather expensive and good. Asparagus was served at every meal in every which way, which was fine with me.
FORMAL NIGHT: Most cruise ships have special foods on formal nights. On their 3 formal nights, the menus were the worst of the cruise. We did not bother to get dressed up to eat uninteresting foods.
GOLF: We enjoyed the nice put-put 9-hole course.
HANDOUTS: These were in microprint. Why would they print stuff most people on their cruise have difficulty reading?3 Old people, small print, really?
POPCORN: Most cruise ships give away popcorn. They sell it for around $2.50 including tax and tip for a tiny bag at the Pit Stop Bar. This was irritating.
PREFORMERS: They must be grateful for the cruise ship businesses, because they could not torment an audience anywhere else. Mediocre to bad and of a bygone era.3
SAFE: Broken, requested repair, never fixed.
SERVICE: Excellent in quality, inadequate in quantity.
SICK CALL: You had better be very sick, because they will quarantine you to your room, not let you go ashore, and your food will be confined to the very limited room service menu.3 Thus they make you suffer more.
SOLARIUM: Nice indoor pool, hot tub, and bar. Two badly rusted, large panels high on wall were quite incongruous. They particularly glare at you when laying in lounge patio chairs.
SOUPS: Choices, tastes, and consistencies were terribly disappointing.1 The handle of the ladles transfers the heat so much they are useless. Gross service ineptitude. Good ladles are available. Has any of their staff ever tried to use their ladles?
SPEAKERS: One excellent, interesting, albeit invalid speaker. However, crew people explaining shore destinations were horrible.
TOURS: We usually just take the ship-offered tours. They are more expensive, but easier and safer. Our friends took a ship tour in Gibraltar and did not get half of the tour. We took a similar private tour off a cruise ship there a few years ago, which was cheap and excellent. Our ship tour guides in La Palma and Tenerife were awful. So bad my wife was the only one on the bus to tip the first, and even she did not tip the second.
TRANSFER: Reserved taxi trip to Rome cost about half of the cruise transfer bus.
WIFI: Internet was expensive, not high-speed as claimed, and worked about half of the time.
WINE BAR: Very few varieties and most all were too expensive for the drink card. Tables too few, and unromantically, too out-in-the-open. Few, unimaginative tapas. Overall, very poor, counterproductive, and inept. This should be a fun, important, positive, not a negative.
WINES: White wines on our drink card were limited and not very good. More selections needed. Reds were better. The only sparkling wine on card was good.
Footnotes
1Someone, please taste the food before you serve it. Cruise cuisine is supposed to be excellent, not atrocious. No one, in their right mind, could have possibly tasted some of these dishes. 2Additional pads helped. 3Most cruise ships do the same. I have no suggestions on quarantine and entertainment, but you could easily make the print larger.
SPECIES:
Atlantic Salmon, Salmo salar; Barramundi, Lates calcarifer; Common Octopus, Octopus vulgaris: Corvina, Cilus gilberti; Dover sole, Solea solea; European Perch, Perca fluviatilis; European seabass, Dicentrarchus labrax; Florida Stone Crab, Menippe mercenariai; Radicchio or Italian chicory, Cichorium intybus; Tiger Shrimp, Penaeus monodon; Vietnamese Catfish, Pangasius pangasius; Whitefish [This can be almost any fish with low-oil flesh. Given present availability, its taste, quality, and cost, I would guess: Haddock, Melanogrammus aeglefinus. Am I correct?]
OTHER FOOD COMMENTS:
Desert: Most pies were, oddly, cakes in disguise. “Raspberry” cream tart was made with cherries and was not very good.1 Banana pudding was made with unripe bananas.1 Duck breast was terrible.1 It was oddly recommended on the menu, but not listed. Later duck meat and pâté was excellent. Escargot had little taste and were tiny. Fish varied greatly. Corvina was bland and fishy one night; oddly very good later. Catfish was mushy and awful (So disgusting I could not eat it and complained to waitress.). Like soggy frozen fish sticks. How could you ruin such an excellent fish?1 Barramundi was probably excellent, but was incredibly too hot with pepper to taste!1 Perch and whitefish were just okay. Salmon good to fair. Sole very good. FLAN: You cannot serve such a horrible flan to the many Puerto Ricans on board. A terrible insult to Puerto Rico! Octopus was excellent, but seldom used. Prime rib was served twice and was terrible. How can anyone destroy this usually excellent dish?1 Scallops were very small. When oddly dumped into scrambled eggs, they were tasteless. Shepard’s Pie is not supposed to be sweet!1 Shrimp varied from a good-size excellent to tasteless salad shrimp. Making Tiger Shrimp into Thermidor was silly. Some “chilled” shrimp were served smelly and dangerously warm [potential health hazard]. My wife returned them.
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