One knew as soon as one saw the queue at Soton to Board this ship, that one had to keep an open mind. I was not disappointed in my early assessment of my fellow passengers when without warning I was asked if wigan were playing Blackpool or birmingham. After a moment of awkward silence "my new best friend" decided I was not going to kill the next hour talking football and proceeded to ask his wife what she had packed for him for the cruise. Eventually we were aboard and heading for deck 10 and our cabin, I have to say that the cabin itself was of a high standard with a balcony(although not cleaned) that was indeed very impressive for size, the TV looked like a minature cinema screen and the sofa although tired was adequate for the kids to kip on.there was a dining table with four chairs and the bathroom was well appointed with unbelievably a bidet, so 1970s. We decide to have a look round the ship and headed off the spa to see if it was going to be somewhere where we would spend some time,the answer exuse the pun hit us as soon as we entered the place, a full size boxing ring, no pool, no jacuzzis just row upon row of battery hen like running machines and a boxing ring, I never set foot in the place again. The restaurants were quite good but My time dining meant anything but.... one had to book a day or so in advance. The following morning we discovered whipsnade Zoo, others called it windjammers cafe either way it was jaw droppingly horrible with loads of people from the same family Rooney, terry, and van persie's jostling for position around the egg frying dept.This readers, is where the "Golden ticket" came into it's own, there was sanctuary in the concierge room, with a decent coffee making machine and snacks. only pax with grand suite and above were lucky enough to have a golden ticket, and it was worth it's weight in gold for the little things it afforded the holder, reserved seating in the theatre was one advantage along with a concierge who could get things done without having to queue downstairs at customer relations, I have to say though that the reserved seating on the deck was horrendous but provided you were happy sitting in a force ten gale where your book was likely to be ripped out of your grasp let alone loosing a page, it was fine.The ship unfortunately for me at least is not so much of a ship, but more of a floating blackpool or skegness, bingo, ice skating, Boxing booth, guess the weight of the woman and motorised chair, donkey rides, etc are all available along with baring your tattoos, Manchester utd shirts and three quarter length camouflaged combat trousers, some of the Men dressed just as tackily as well. The dog and badger as you can imagine did a roaring trade only closing briefly to clear up the vomit and broken glass at about 10-30 each morning.Formal nights were a people watchers heaven, most of the women thought formal meant short and I lost count of the pairs of 8" heels in lattice work like a roman centurion would wear that I saw. I dressed up once but found myself at dinner sat next to somebody who on dry land would normally steal my car, I watched him struggle with his cutlery for five minutes then left, I didn't bother again. The Moral of this story is don't sail out of southampton on a cruise, one has to assume that the clientele on this Horror show aren't able to fly or are not allowed to.My abiding memory of this cruise was being cornered in a lift at 4-40 in the morning,( I was going to the internet cafe) by a grown man in a full wolverhampton wanders strip including socks and trainers, who asked me if I knew the fulham result.Never again!