As a fulltime carer I needed a short break, and wanted to try a comedy cruise. Got a good last-minute deal on a penthouse suite, with its nespresso machine, spa bath, huge balcony, canapes, afternoon teas. If I'd known this boat rocks more than others we've been on, I'd have brought a wheelchair for my caree. As it was, had to rent one (other ships supply them free), and the $150 deposit took weeks to be returned. Worse, the chair given had stuffed wheel bearings, and was very difficult to push. Warning, the medical center has very limited opening hours. I must have been caught on cctv swapping the chair for one that worked, because I was roundly berated for doing so, never mind that renting a chair that doesn't work is a breach of contract.

We'd heard good things about the Shell and Bone's fish pie, but for some reason it was off the menu, and we opted for the lobster. What an unmitigated disaster, a plate full of shell holding what might as well have been crab stick covered with what tasted like melted cheddar. Really should have complained. On the upside, Dragon Lady was quite good, and no surcharge. The Pantry does a reasonable paella, and fish and chips, but the queues can be insane, and you're not supposed to take stuff back to your cabin.

Embarkation was delayed 3-4 hours, we were supposed to be priority boarding but had to queue for ages, we did not get the arranged wheelchair boarding assistance until we stalled halfway up those quite steep ramps. Read more