There were three things we liked about this cruise: the ship itself, the itinerary, and the cheerfulness of the long-suffering staff. That's where the good news ends. The root of the trouble was MSC itself, whose policy seems to us to be to pay for its ambitious fleet-building by screwing every last cent out of its operations. We experienced this in two ways:

1. Penny-pinching. If you think a ship called the Opera with decks named Tosca, Turandot and Aida promises a rich experience of Italian music, food and style, think again. The whole thing is pitched at the level of cheap Berlusconi-style Saturday-night Italian TV. I don't remember ever entering the pool deck without being confronted by the sight of some semi-clothed harpie on the stage informing us in a shriek what a fanTASTic time we were having whilst humiliating a bunch of middle-aged men with a pair of balloons and an outsized sausage, or whatever it was. Not everything felt like the stuff that even 'It's A Knock Out' would have been ashamed to take, but it wasn't far removed. The evening entertainments seemed to be designed for the hard of thinking, and the only two sops to culture – a dance display and a song concert – were both embarrassing, the former because the authentic Andalusian performers had to dance flamenco to recorded music, and the latter because the two classical singers were disrespectfully placed in a lounge where they had to compete with the din from the coffee machine. The other performers we saw were no better than pub standard. The dining wasn't a lot better. It was all edible and we never went short; but my wife, who's the more knowledgeable of us about food, thought the menus unimaginative, and felt there was a crying need for the chefs to be allowed onshore to buy fresh produce from the local markets. It may of course be that MSC know their audience and what they can get away with. Certainly our fellow passengers were about the most miserable bunch I've ever seen on a holiday; but perhaps they just felt the same way we did. Anyone expecting a Caribbean cruise to be a bit special had better look elsewhere.

2. Money-making. From start to finish, MSC were trying to get into your wallet, beginning with the few seconds of video they shot and the picture they took as you boarded which they later tried to sell you, along with a photo of the ship, for about €50 if I recall. We'd been warned that the excursions were a bit of a rip-off, and certainly we thought the Mayfield Falls trip we did in Jamaica to be doubtful value for money; so we used the internet to plan five excursions of our own in Cuba, Grand Cayman and Cozumel, all easy through the internet, and got more for less every time. The spa treatments cost a king's ransom, and the copious shopping 'opportunities' on board looked like ruthless exploitation of shopaholics. Though not big drinkers, we decided to get the all-inclusive Aurea package so that we wouldn't have to worry about what we were spending; so we got a shock when we ordered our first smoothies from the Vitamin bar and were told we'd be charged for them, and indeed an amount that even Costa might baulk at. We made a pleasant after-dinner habit of going for coffee in a lounge where we liked the waiters; pleasant, that is, until we got our bill as we were about to leave and discovered we'd been charged 10 euros for "service" every time, amounting to an unbudgeted bill for €160. When we challenged it, we were told they were non-discretionary gratuities – surely the most generous tips for serving a couple of coffees you'll find on the planet. Read more