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This was my (and my husband's) first cruise. If you are in your 20s to 40s and without children, here are the top five things you need to know, in order of priority: 1. GET A POSH PASS. But don't tell anyone. I want one to be available the next time I cruise. 2. Shut up about the (un)available TV stations. You want to watch sports? Stay home. 3. Buy Poo-Pourri. It may just save your relationship. 4. Stay up dancing all night at Spice, after you go to Blue Man Group and Second City and Howl at the Moon. 5. As much as you may want to do karaoke, resist the urge - especially as it gets later in the week. Trust me. Just... go sing along with Howl at the Moon if you want to sing. Karaoke gets frightening. You know exactly what I mean. Miscellany: If you're easily intimidated, avoid the vendors in Jamaica. And the drug dealers. Don't try to walk from 7-mile beach back to the terminal. Don't. I say it again, Don't. I'll happily share with you pictures of iguanas. Don't make the hour-long walk. Take a lorazepam if you have to fly out of Miami airport. Maybe two. It's a nightmare. Make it to the Mr. Sexy Legs contest. Bring a water bottle with you and have bartenders fill it regularly. Every single silver shop in Cozumel is the same. Don't waste time. Learn Spanish. You'll get a better price. Tip well. Everywhere. Every time. Even if tips are included. Wear sunscreen. Every day. Shut up about it. Don't bother with the "everything $10" shop on the boat. Hit up Teppenyaki. Good time, good food. Drink a lot. Of water. Who am I kidding... drink a lot of Patron. Margaritaville is fun but overpriced. Hit it up -once. Go to the gym. Or don't. It's your vacation. Either way, just trolling the ship, you're probably getting to your 10,000 steps per day. Speaking of which, INFINITE THANKS to whoever found my FitBit and returned it to Guest Services within 2 hours. I am so thankful for your honesty and would like to send you a gift in return. If by some unlikely chance you are reading this, please let me know. Is anyone from the Kenny-squared Chicago crew on this board??? I'd (we'd) love to stay in touch and do some stunt-man and chocolate pretzel shots if you're in town. If you don't boo the Sox, we won't boo the Cubs. Last word: You're on a freaking cruise ship in the Caribbean. If you have something to complain about, please politely do so in the company of those folks leading as miserable an existence as you are. Spare the rest of us. We had a ball! Happy to answer any questions!!! Sarah (Massachusetts)

Epic March Cruise Revliew

Norwegian Epic Cruise Review by daisy3774

Trip Details
  • Sail Date: March 2015
  • Destination: Caribbean
  • Cabin Type: Balcony
This was my (and my husband's) first cruise. If you are in your 20s to 40s and without children, here are the top five things you need to know, in order of priority:

1. GET A POSH PASS. But don't tell anyone. I want one to be available the next time I cruise.

2. Shut up about the (un)available TV stations. You want to watch sports? Stay home.

3. Buy Poo-Pourri. It may just save your relationship.

4. Stay up dancing all night at Spice, after you go to Blue Man Group and Second City and Howl at the Moon.

5. As much as you may want to do karaoke, resist the urge - especially as it gets later in the week. Trust me. Just... go sing along with Howl at the Moon if you want to sing. Karaoke gets frightening. You know exactly what I mean.

Miscellany:

If you're easily intimidated, avoid the vendors in Jamaica. And the drug dealers.

Don't try to walk from 7-mile beach back to the terminal. Don't. I say it again, Don't. I'll happily share with you pictures of iguanas. Don't make the hour-long walk.

Take a lorazepam if you have to fly out of Miami airport. Maybe two. It's a nightmare.

Make it to the Mr. Sexy Legs contest.

Bring a water bottle with you and have bartenders fill it regularly.

Every single silver shop in Cozumel is the same. Don't waste time.

Learn Spanish. You'll get a better price.

Tip well. Everywhere. Every time. Even if tips are included.

Wear sunscreen. Every day. Shut up about it.

Don't bother with the "everything $10" shop on the boat.

Hit up Teppenyaki. Good time, good food.

Drink a lot. Of water. Who am I kidding... drink a lot of Patron.

Margaritaville is fun but overpriced. Hit it up -once.

Go to the gym. Or don't. It's your vacation. Either way, just trolling the ship, you're probably getting to your 10,000 steps per day. Speaking of which, INFINITE THANKS to whoever found my FitBit and returned it to Guest Services within 2 hours. I am so thankful for your honesty and would like to send you a gift in return. If by some unlikely chance you are reading this, please let me know.

Is anyone from the Kenny-squared Chicago crew on this board??? I'd (we'd) love to stay in touch and do some stunt-man and chocolate pretzel shots if you're in town. If you don't boo the Sox, we won't boo the Cubs.

Last word:

You're on a freaking cruise ship in the Caribbean. If you have something to complain about, please politely do so in the company of those folks leading as miserable an existence as you are. Spare the rest of us.

We had a ball! Happy to answer any questions!!!

Sarah (Massachusetts)
daisy3774’s Full Rating Summary
Enrichment Activities
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Cabin Review

Balcony
Cabin BD 12031
Loved it! Near the bow stairs and bed near the balcony.
Deck 13 Inside Cabins, Balcony Cabins, Suite Cabins

Port & Shore Excursion Reviews

  • Snorkeling
    Also included stand-up paddleboard. Don't snorkel at Stingray Beach. Not great at all. Stand up paddleboard was fun- for me. But, my husband doesn't do pilates or yoga, so struggled with it.
    View All 436 Snorkeling Reviews
  • Parasailing
    Such a great time, but wish we had done more!! The host company was awesome and we have some great pictures. Amazing experience to be flying so high above the cruise ships.
    View All 8 Parasailing Reviews
  • River Tubing
    Nice way to spend the day. The drive up was the biggest adventure. Awesome guides. Nice to get a beer at the end. Ummmmm, trying to reach 150 characters.
    View All 72 River Tubing Reviews