Complaint button on keyboard

We here at Cruise Critic have heard some funny things over the years, from ridiculous complaints to questions that make us scratch our heads. Classics include things like "What time is the midnight buffet?", "If the ship has left port, can I still get on?", "Does the crew sleep onboard?" and gripes that people in foreign countries don't speak English.

Below, in no particular order, we've compiled a list of some of the silliest and most amusing cruise complaints and questions from passengers.

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1. "We were on an excursion to the beach in Belize a few years ago. There was a woman there who was complaining very loudly to everyone that there was too much sand on the beach."  -Cruise Critic member Rita/KY

Also, the water was too wet.

2. "Do you carry Catholic priests onboard?"  -Cruise Critic reader

Yes, but we charge extra for priests weighing more than 50 pounds.

3. "A year or two ago, overheard some lady on her phone telling someone 'Well Mexico was ok, except that everyone spoke Spanish.'"  -Cruise Critic member DEBnGAB

Ay dios mio.

4. "I want to take my 12-year-old grandson on a cruise to Argentina. He is an athlete and has been on 'party' cruises before. How can I be sure he will have a great time?"  -Cruise Critic reader

Switch the cruise to Amsterdam, and turn him loose.

5. "Please be advised that the Carnival Cruise customer who traveled on this cruise found his pants. They were located at home upon arrival."  -Cruise Critic reader

That must've been one long (and breezy) cruise.

6. "I am very angry with your cruise line. I incurred many expenses because your ship did not allow my husband and I to enter the ship together with 3 other families. We stayed behind in an island with no money or credit cards."  -Consumer Affairs complaint

We do hope she added a watch to the list of purchases she made after missing the ship.

Face yelling expletives from speech bubble

7. "Here's a question from a fellow passenger (first-time cruiser) we encountered. She asked us if passengers in 'outside cabins' get extra blankets to stay warm at night."  -Cruise Critic member oldguysandgalls

Each cabin receives one extra blanket, and the occupants are forced to fight over it as part of the nightly entertainment.

8. "I was not allowed to utilize the gym because of wearing a shoe called 'Crocs,' which the staff considered flip-flops. I had no tennis shoes available. I found no tennis shoes onboard for sale. One of the reasons I accepted this cruise with my wife was that I would be able to use the gym."  -Consumer Affairs complaint

Book a cruise to use the gym. Leave your sneakers at home. What could possibly go wrong?

9. "On embarkation day (yes we were still at the dock), a woman was complaining rather loudly that she had paid a lot of money for her balcony cabin, and did not want to look at the parking lot all week. She wanted to see the ocean."  -Cruise Critic member bobmal99

Strange. We always book parking lot-facing balcony cabins.

10. "We were in line at guest services behind a man who was screaming about a bill for over $2,000 on his sign and sail card. Most of the charges were from the spa for beauty treatments and massages. He said, 'No my wife never used a credit card, she only showed them her room key and they gave the services to her. My card is the one we used to charge drinks and things.'"  -Cruise Critic member poolreader

We've heard of similar things happening at the mall if you show your credit card to the cashier.

11. "They took our wine coolers and beer."  -Consumer Affairs complaint

Bummer. We were pretty upset when they told us we couldn't bring our pet elephant onboard.