In preparation for this cruise, I re-watched The Poseidon Adventure. I re-read Shipping Out by David Foster Wallace and Dip in the Pool by Roald Dahl. I worried about the following things, in no particular order: seasickness, shark attacks, norovirus, falling overboard, hurricanes, terrorists, and pirates (the Somali kind, not the of the Carribean kind). I worried about losing my passport, purse, luggage, and child. I mulled these catastrophes over and over in my head at night, my subconscious working out detailed plans for survival. I ground my teeth while I mulled, awaking to the taste of blood and smoke in my mouth and sixteen hours of fireworks behind my left eyeball. It is quite possible I needed a vacation.

The family had scraped together its spare change and mystery refund checks over the past 18 months to be able to afford this vacation. We became connoisseurs of peanut butter and jelly. In other words, I am not the type of person who starts a Cruise Critic review with, “This was our sixth cruise to the Western Caribbean, our second with Disney…” This was a one-shot-only deal and after an interminable amount of anticipation, it really, really needed to be perfect and Worth It. We awoke early Christmas morning to hop a flight to Orlando, and spent the night in the enigma that is the Orlando Airport Hyatt, which seems to be a hotel inside a shopping mall inside an airport. Other than having to ask for a rollaway cot at reservation, at check-in, and once again via a call directly to housekeeping, the hotel was fine.

In the morning, we made our way out of the hotel, into the mall, and back through the airport. We followed directionals to the Disney Magical Express bus where we witnessed a gentleman videotaping the entire 30-minute long instructional video playing on the televisions inside the shuttle. Check-in at the port is mostly intuitive. When your boarding group is called, you'll be escorted to a photo opp, which I didn't realize all the other people apathetic to commemorative photos were bypassing. At the entrance to the ship, your family name is called out and a row of crew members clap you in. A nice touch: Disney will have a crew member approach you in a casual manner after your entrance, just to welcome you. You may bother them with questions for as long as you'd like. Read more