Carnival Conquest - Western Caribbean: Carnival Conquest Cruise Review by firstname.lastname@example.org
Overall Member Rating
Carnival Conquest - Western Caribbean
Destination: Western Caribbean
We drove through and checked baggage, parked, got a shuttle back to the dock, stood in line, flashed some paper, stood in line again, flashed more papers took our picture and BAM - we were on the boat. Helpful Tip #56: Avoid getting yelled at by security - don't try and take your best friend's picture as she's strip searched before getting on the boat.
Our Room: Deck 10 Room #1021
Cable TV - already a step up from home, although it was missing my favorite channel - the weather!!! Room steward tricked us out twice a day with mints, ice and a cleaned up room and towel animals!! Channel 14 - the ship channel is just as addicting as the weather channel.
Helpful Tip #99: The room stewards like funny notes - especially when they are attached to cash.
Fun Fact #54: Showering More is more fun when done in pairs.
Unsubstantiated complaint #69: The bathroom counter is not close enough to the shower to safely achieve leverage when showering in pairs.
Unsubstantiated complaint #72: If you remove beverages from the mini-fridge and put them out of sight, you will get charged for them. (A funny note attached to cash fixes this problem.)
Helpful Tip #33: Calling the wrong room at 6am does not make you new friends and calling card or not, you are still charged $20.97 for a 2 minute call whether you talk to someone on the other end or not.
We really wished some of them lasted longer than 30 minutes because they were so much fun! Win Lose or Draw, Battle of the Sexes, Captain's Party. Most everything is planned out well, only twice did our activities overlap and we had to choose. The karaoke audience was a bit stiff at times. I recommend the Disco Dance class.
Fun Fact #19: Metro-sexual cruise director Butch's boot-shake is booty-luscious.
Fun Fact #08: You aren't allowed to save seats in the Toulouse Latrec Lounge - but, if you have a big butt, sit wide and no one will know the difference.
Unsubstantiated complaint #12: I didn't win at bingo.
Helpful Tip #101: Sit close at the main show - the Conquest Dancers all wear thongs.
Fun Fact #67: The spa carnival gym floor smells good.
Unsubstantiated complaint #88: I was sore after doing Pilates two days in a row.
Fun Fact #02: You can attend both Captain's parties
Unsubstantiated complaint #39: The free alcohol at the Captain's party will take forever if you special order!
Unsubstantiated complaint #07: The photographers on board are too good; they'll make you want to buy every picture you take.
Dining, Food, Drinks
5 star service. Quail, escargot, chicken, steak, prime rib, veal, salads, fruits, vegetables, seafood of all kinds, rices, sauces, you name it - we ate it and it was all good. Buffet lines were never too long; food was hot, fresh and delicious. We never tired of it. Desserts left a little something to be desired pretty much around the group, but the 24 hour pizzeria, ice cream carts and burgers - not to mention the Rueben at Paul's Deli more than made up for it!! Chocolate covered strawberries at the Coffee Bar on the 5th deck were fabulous!
Alcohol - want to get drunk? Buy at the lobby on the 3rd deck.
Helpful Tip #72: Eating all the fresh fruit in sight really does help you feel better about pizza and ice cream every night at 11:00pm.
Helpful Tip #80: As the trip nears closing, wean yourself from the every 3 hour eating unless you intend to continue it at home. Rumble. Rumble.
Helpful Tip #26: The 4th deck (Atlantic) does not go all the way through to the front of the ship. Plot and practice an alternate route if you dine in the upper Monet Restaurant.
Fun Fact #50: You can order whatever you'd like at any meal - because if you try it and don't like it - you just order something else but if you don't try it at all, we'll point at you and laugh.
Fun Fact #51: All the spoons you could possibly need are available at the ice cream stations. Sugar packet poker pieces are also readily available.
Ports of Call
Jamaica - best to stay out of down town. ;-)
I've heard steel toe boots are good for smuggling but I'd know nothing about that personally. However....
Fun Fact #107: Tiny Jamaican seashells look like cocaine rocks via port authority x-ray.
Two big thumbs up for Sunset Beach - good beach, good pool, great slides, snorkeling was okay, and the food was amazing. Alcohol included and you can get a refill and take it out of the resort when you leave!!! Taking a taxi - only those with RED license plates. ;-)
And really a picture is worth a thousand words so here are some pictures of us in port at Jamaica - this could be you folks!!!
Highly recommend Captain Marvin's excursion!!! www.captainmarvins.com and look for the sex plant along the sea front shopping. ;-) Don't forget to kiss the stingray for 7 years good luck. I came home to a clean house and an electric bill that was ½ what it's been in the last year.
Helpful Tip #44: If you've recently weaned a child, stay away from the baby stingray.
While we'd never visit Jamaica again, and we liked Grand Cayman well enough, we didn't have nearly enough time in Cozumel!!!
Highly recommend: Deluxe Sail and Snorkel Party - Fury Catamarans and you can book it through Carnival.
Boat ride, snorkeling, private beach (in which people just strip naked) and then FREE MARGARITAS on the way back in!!! Kayaking (free), beach volleyball and food ($) are all available at the beach.
I've got a ton of pictures, but this one about sums it up:
It's super easy to get back on the boat to shower and change and then get back out to the island to shop and eat if you want. That's what we did.
We hit Carlos and Charlie's - and if you like your boobies shaken not stirred and your butt spanked - head there and take a shot. ;-) Inappropriate balloon hats for everyone!!
Around the Ship
Unsubstantiated complaint #24: There was some rust on the boat - in the SALTY sea!! Imagine.
Fun Fact #75: Upon returning home your house will look stark in comparison to the ornate dEcor of the ship and you will attempt more than once to turn your bathroom light on from the outside.
Unsubstantiated complaint #97: The hot tub was really hot.
Helpful Tip #82: Don't wear a dress with nothing underneath on a windy upper deck.
Unsubstantiated complaint #38: There were 12-14 foot seas for two days.
Helpful Tip #15: If you like the quarters game in the casino, play during the roughest seas when the quarters just fall out of the machine.
Unsubstantiated complaint #22: By the time I found out about the lady with the pasties, she was gone.
Helpful Tip #67: It is not faster to get on an elevator going up when you really want to go down.
Unsubstantiated complaint #101: If it's cloudy or raining, you miss the sunrise - even when you get up early enough to see it!!
Helpful Tip #29: Tell your credit card company you are leaving the country - even if you are only using it for your sail and sign card - they charge our of panama.
And when all else fails... take a nap.
We slept in, ate, and then carried our own luggage off. Have your paperwork filled out, in hand and it's really a piece of cake (Mmm warm chocolate melting cake... I didn't eat any but everyone else did!!). We were off the ship in less than an hour, the shuttle for parking was exactly where they said they'd be and although our suitcase took 2 people to load up, they were good sports about it, haha!! We live 40 miles down the coast from Galveston and we were home by 1:00pm.
Happy Vacationing everyone!!! Less