If your boss took you on a theme cruise — her theme cruise — would you knock it in public?
According to Us Weekly, that’s what Brandon Branch — personal assistant to Southern cooking chef and TV personality Paula Deen — did while he was onboard the Paula Deen & Family cruise. Branch tweeted from Royal Caribbean’s Mariner of the Seas that the ship was a “floating nursing home” and that “my room is also the size of my powder room at home.” And — god forbid — his cabin didn’t have liquor in the mini-bar. Then he begged to be rescued. (Branch ultimately took down those negative tweets, and his final tweets from the cruise were positive, saying how he had an “amazing time.”)
We understand, Brandon. We’ve certainly been on cruises where we’ve been the youngest passenger and logged many hours in tiny cabins. But is cruising really that horrible? In the same situation, we’ve had a ton of fun.
Got some retirees onboard? Use the opportunity to dominate the rock-climbing wall or ice skating rink — no lines! Or — gasp — strike up a conversation. You might hear some interesting life stories or make a new friend who can teach you to waltz or help perfect your golf swing. Got a small cabin? Well, get the heck out of it and hang out by the pool, get a massage in the spa or join in some shipboard activities. (And, um, if you’re supposed to be working on a cruise, maybe you shouldn’t be tweeting in your cabin all day?)
And, really, if you’re going to complain about a cruise in public, come up with something other than clichéd cruising cons we’ve all heard before. As a Paula Deen staffer, we might expect a critique of the food: Not enough butter in the biscuits! No grits at all on the buffet! The donuts aren’t up to our expert standards! Or, help, there are too many bars — should I get my drink on in the pub, the wine bar, the Champagne bar or the Schooner bar?
Or perhaps “Going to hide in my teeny man cave in shame — an octogenarian Yankee just kicked my butt on the rock wall.”
Interested in theme cruises? Check out our list of 2013 sailings.
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