Day one — Resolution: “I’ll avoid greasy, bacon- and sausage-laden breakfasts, I’ll only have salad for lunch and I’ll go to the gym every day.” Sign up for exercise classes.
Sometime around day two or three -– Denial: “I’m too tired/hungover/sunburnt. I’ll take a day off from the gym today. I’m on a vacation and I deserve a rest. Everybody else is having burgers and cocktails — why shouldn’t I?” Skip exercise class. Swim five lengths of tiny pool as compromise “workout.” Consume large pina colada as reward for “swim.”
First formal night — Crisis: Clothes alarmingly tight. Emergency spa “miracle weight loss” treatment. “OK, so I’ve had a wake-up call, but it’s not too late. I may even go home thinner if I just stick to my simple vacation eating plan.”
Two days after formal night — Bargaining: “I’m not the fattest round the pool. Plenty of them look worse than I do. So what if I have a spare tire? I’ll never see any of these people again. I’ll just cut back on the carbs a bit.” Down another cocktail. Dig out elasticated waist clothing from bottom of suitcase. Sigh of relief that it still fits.
Penultimate day of cruise — Acceptance: “I really ought to try everything on the ship before the cruise is over. After all, I’ve paid for it. And you don’t get cheese omelets/a chocolate buffet/ribeye steak like this at home. What difference is one more day going to make? The first day home will be a new start of healthy eating.” Travel home in tracksuit pants or black garbage bag as nothing else fits.
Last day of cruise — see infographic, designed by Ashley Kosciolek, Associate Editor.
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