Unless you live on a cruise ship, you likely spend more time wishing you were at sea than actually being there. To combat this landlubbin’ malaise, we’ve come up with a surefire recipe for replicating the cruise ship experience in your own home.
Need that cruise ship fix before your next sailing? Follow these 10 easy steps.
Step 1: Move your bed into the walk-in closet for a week.
Step 2: Limit yourself to one suitcase of clothing. If you forget to pack clean underwear, too bad. Hide a bottle of wine in your bag; if anyone notices it, you have to give it up (bonus points for creating a “naughty room”).
Step 3: Set up an inflatable pool in your backyard, and surround it with lounge chairs. Cover the lounge chairs with other people’s towels, and prowl around them angrily looking for one that’s free.
Step 4: Once you’ve found a lounge chair (there was one available on your roof), begin consuming umbrella drinks while listening to a CD of steel drum music.
Step 5: Hire neighborhood children to clean your bathroom, change your bedding and make you breakfast for a week. (Pay them in ice cream from your rented 24-hour soft-serve machine.)
Step 6: Complain about the kids lounging on your stairs and taking over your inflatable pool (see step 5).
Step 7: Get a used version of Trivial Pursuit, and have rabid competitions for prizes like key chains and pens.
Step 8: Eat lunch every day at an all-you-can-eat buffet like Old Country Buffet, Fresh Choice or Sizzler. At night, dress up and go out to eat at Applebee’s or TGI Friday’s. Make snarky comments about the attire of anyone who eats dinner with or near you. (Depending on your cruise style, you should either dine at the same restaurant at the same time every night or choose a different venue every night at a time you prefer.)
Step 9: Volunteer your living room for the local school’s nightly show choir practice.
Step 10: Roll in the nearest mud puddle, wrap yourself in tinfoil, and have your significant other/a neighbor/a random person off the street massage you while intoning about body toxins. You get bonus points if your ad hoc masseuse tries to sell you something at the end of your massage.
What else would you do to bring the cruise life to your everyday life? Share your ideas in the comments.
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